Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
