I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
