i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize