It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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