We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
