And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
