the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
