Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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