Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
