I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
