Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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