Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
