After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I checked into jail on foursquare
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
