My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
