New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
