I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize