Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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