College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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