you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
