i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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