you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
