the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
