i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
