u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize