Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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