Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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