I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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