Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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