I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
