Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
