My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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