OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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