Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have fence marks all over my body
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
