remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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