I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
As shirtless as possible
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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