shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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