i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
there's paper in my vomit.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
