You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
