I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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