You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
