I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize