your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize