my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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