Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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