do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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