I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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