yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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