I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
