Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
