Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
