I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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