if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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