You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
