he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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