ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
