Michael Bay diarrhea
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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