; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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