i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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