dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
