He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
