I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize