so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The uberlube is also flammable
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
