remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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