I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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