My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
