just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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