do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
