I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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