Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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