good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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