nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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