So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
