So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
