I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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