This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
