I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
