Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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