Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
